Childhood Friend’s First Love
I’m an idiot! ! ! !
Holding my head in the carriage, I yelled at my own stupidity to the maximum.
It was just this morning, when I heard the news of the engagement between the girl I’d feelings for since youth, and the Crown Prince, I immediately flew out of the castle.
When I first met her I was still young.
And before I knew it, I’d fallen in love with her.
I get nervous when I’m next to her, and can’t even say half the things on my mind.
Still, I understood that with this attitude, my feelings were still around the early stages.
But I had no intentions of hiding my feelings, if possible, I’d skillfully planned to have her be recognized as my fiancee someday.
Even if I couldn’t say anything to her, by exposing my feelings around her, I could continue to keep my restraints in check.
That was how I would watch over her.
For the sake of getting her someday.
She doesn’t think of me at all. Such things I already knew. She never noticed my feelings after all.
It’s no wonder though. After all, I’ve never tried my best to make her realize them, so to speak. So it’s unfair to say that she never noticed.
Still, I was glad.
When her father was aiming for the Crown Prince to be her fiancee, I was confident that his Highness would not accept the proposal.
That’s why it was fine to aim at him.
In that time, I will have my father recognize my marriage with her.
Then, I can openly propose to her.
That’s what I’d thought.
At last, just when my father was about to give in, her engagement with his Highness was announced.
Moreover, it is said that the marriage ceremony will take place in the shortest time possible of six months.
When I saw her satisfied father, I thought it was a lie.
Before my eyes it became dark, and before I knew it, I was already riding in the carriage.
But when I’d finally met her, my words only spun around in my head, not a single thing I wanted to say would come out.
As usual, nothing was conveyed, and only lines of disappointment up until now remained in my heart, it was that sort of ending.
Although it was hopeless, I somehow still wanted convey my feelings to her in the end, but she understood it as the usual line of a ‘brother’.
—-If this was the ending to my efforts of trying to take action, then it was too cruel.
“William-sama. We’ve arrived.”
Hearing the voice, I quickly returned to myself. Before I knew it, I was already back at the castle.
As I unsteadily headed towards the east tower that was the headquarters of the Magician’s Order, my younger brother, who heard I returned, approached me.
“An’ue” (TN: 兄上-formal way of addressing older brother)
“……it’s Glenn huh?”
Seeing Glenn worryingly looking at me as if wanting to ask something, I quickly walked towards the tower.
Right now, I hated talking about anything that had to do with her.
“Did you go see the princess?”
“…….annoying, shut it.”
“However I do understand older brother’s feelings.”
“What do YOU understand!!”
With a strong glare, even my little brother, who was supposed to be the Commander of the Knight’s, flinched.
I was also frustrated with the situation.
“At last. At last, just when I thought it would be recognized, this happens. How could you possibly say you understand my feelings.”
Throwing such words at him, my brother turned with a painful look in his eyes.
I don’t want your pity ! !
I angrily grinded my lips.
“Don’t mind me. It’s fine if you just stay on his Highness’s side.”
“How many times do I need to say it. Don’t concern yourself with me.
Strongly stating it as such, my younger brother reluctantly withdrew.
And with a quick pace, I returned to my own room within the tower.
Right now I didn’t want to me anyone.
My subordinate’s voice cried out, but I didn’t meet his eyes. Instead I told him my request.
“Don’t let anyone near this room”
“……It’s only for today, please.”
As I squeezed out my plea, my subordinates didn’t say anything anymore, and I withdrew into silence.
In no matter whose eyes, they would see there was something off about my current state, right?
Yet it was strange that it wasn’t conveyed to her only.
Clinging on to my office desk, I mutter the name of my beloved.
‘Someday’, I’d always thought so.
As if the timing was bad, it seems that not matter what my dream will never come true.
If it’s come to this.
Thinking at least she would be happy in her marriage, I smiled from the bottom of my heart.
If I was able to confirm that, then I think when the time comes I will gallantly withdraw.
Translator: Broken Jinsei